So while you go out having your fun, I should sit here waiting for you?*

(* 'Didn't I Tell You', Keyshia Cole)

My oldest standing friend, Rt, is effectively my twin. We are Geminis born on the same day in Sydney and have known each other since Kindergarten; ie as close to 60 years as matters. In reality we have very different personalities. I am introverted, he is extroverted. I keep to arrangements, he rarely does. I am punctual to the point of obsession, his timekeeping is disgraceful. I am organised and he is not. I am gay, he is straight, married and a parent. We get on extremely well.

Rt now lives in South East Queensland. He rang me several weeks ago almost begging for me to put him up for four days over this weekend. 'We', he told me, are coming down for a friend's birthday but all hotels are booked out because of the AC/DC concerts being staged in Sydney.

Now, I have a two bedroom apartment but my second bedroom contains only a single bed and there is barely room to fit in a folding bed there, something Rt knows well. I said I would put them up (I assumed 'we' meant Rt and his wife, Jy) and prepared the apartment and myself for their arrival. I washed the bedding, purchased food and moved furniture around to make best use of the available space.

An email Rt sent during the week informed me they would be arriving around 2pm on Friday (today) and staying until about 4pm on Monday. Knowing Rt, I didn't really expect him to arrive at that time or even necessarily within 2/3 hours of that time so was not concerned when he and Jy had not arrived by 5pm. I rechecked the email to confirm that this was the correct weekend and was reassured to find it was but noticed for the first time a small tag at the end indicating two of his childern were accompanying.

I started to panic at this point wondering how I could accommodate them all. I would have been annoyed with him but for the fact that I hadn't bothered to check what he meant when he said 'we' were coming and worse still had not noticed the crucial reference in his email. I calmed down reassuring myself that we would make the best of a difficult situation.

When they had not arrived by 7pm I started to get concerned they had met with an accident. I telephoned Rt on his mobile who, after a delay, answered with his usual cheery tone. Rt informed me they had just arrived in Sydney and were in the foyer awaiting their room. Hey what!? I thought, not saying anything to him at that point. Rt took my silence to mean he could tell me more. He went on to tell me how he never thought he would be staying at such a grand hotel as the Wentworth and at that moment they were enjoying complimentary drinks whilst waiting for their rooms to be ready.

Finally Rt asked me what I was doing. 'Well', I replied, 'I've been sitting here all afternoon awaiting your arrival as I thought you were coming to my place'.

Silence.

'Oh, didn't I ring and tell you I had secured a hotel after all?' Rt asked in all innocence.

Why wasn't I surprised?

Physician: Heal thyself

I went to the doctor this morning to have my ongoing prescriptions renewed having reached the end of my 'repeats'.

I was expecting the visit to be straightforward as I have been feeling fine and am unaware of any new health issues. He checked my weight, blood pressure and body fat - checks he routinely carries out on most of my visits and for good measure (not to mention a higher fee) he also got me to undergo an ECG as it had been a while since I'd been tested. I don't like the ECG test. Those clamp things give me a creepy feeling as though cockroaches are crawling over my body. I'm sure my blood pressure soars when I have the ECG test.

Thankfully all these tests were satisfactory but dear Doctor was in a mood to be difficult and he gave me a hard time about improving my upper body. No doubt he was speaking with an eye to my waistline which I know is a couple of inches above the ideal. He once again banished me from eating everything that I find remotely tasty and this time suggested I take up yoga. Previous 'prescriptions' have included running around Centennial Park, swimming at Boy Charlton Pool and (best of all) daily masturbation to ward off prostate cancer.

I wouldn't mind these exhortations so much if it wasn't that dear Doctor is no svelte figure himself. He is at least twenty years younger than I and possibly as many kilos heavier despite being centimetres shorter. He always appears red faced to me.

But I know he means well so I suppose I should try, yet again, to work on trimming my weight. After the appointment I went across to Centennial Park and walked one circuit as a show, to myself, of good intentions. Unfortunately I did undo the value of that activity by stopping at the cake shop immediately after for an apple slice but, hey, I have to start somewhere.

My expensive resolution

I don't tend to make New Year's resolutions probably because I can't discipline myself to keep to them.

However, I decided last year that sometime in 2009 I would buy myself a flat screen television. I suppose that amounts to a sort of resolution and it is amazing given my lack of discipline in other areas that I seem to be able to meet commitments that cost me money. And so it has proven yet again.

It only took me to the afternoon of 2 January to purchase the television after spending the afternoon of 1 January and the morning of 2 January researching outlets and comparing prices. My new baby is to be delivered this afternoon and I am spending today at home awaiting its arrival.

I hope I am not jinxing myself posting this before the television's safe delivery. Each of my last three large household goods purchases has gone awry at some point through retailer's incompetence. I must write about this sometime.