Poo, poo to that....

C talks a lot of shit. Or rather he talks a lot about shit. His own shit actually. C studies his own poo closely from which he develops theories about his state of health. I suppose there is nothing wrong with that except that I don't understand his need to share his findings so often. Or indeed, at all.

When I was in New York in March I saw a novelty booklet entitled 'What your poo means' (or words to that effect). I couldn't resist and I bought a copy back as a present for C. I wasn't sure how C would react to this present but he seemed to take in good spirit. I noticed he spent a long time reading it afterwards.

Later I wondered if I had been too sensitive to this practice of C's. But I believe I have been vindicated. C recently returned from a long weekend away with his niece. He told me that half way through the weekend she turned to him and said 'Uncle C I don't mind you checking out your poo but please don't tell me about it all the time'.

Shit happens.

Till photograph do us part....

There is this interesting little industry in Sydney - and perhaps elsewhere - catering for youngish couples travelling from Japan and China to be photographed in front of our scenic locations dressed in their wedding 'clobber'. No wedding attendants in attendance, no wedding party in attendance, no guests in attendance and no witnesses in attendance. Just the couple, the photographer and the photographer's assistant. And this takes place before the wedding.

The Sydney Opera House is a popular background as is the Archibald Fountain in Sydney's Hyde Park.

Locals go about their business, mostly oblivious to the matrimonial performance.

My lost timeline

A friend asked me recently why I hadn't acknowledged the birthday wishes she sent me.

'What birthday wishes?', I asked.

'The message I placed on your timeline', said she.

'My timeline? What timeline?', I asked.

'Your Facebook timeline' said she.

Facebook.

Ah yes.

I joined Facebook shortly after its launch. It seemed an interesting idea but it only took me a few months at best to tire of the countless friend requests from complete strangers around the world with whom I appeared to have little in common and what seemed like a mountain of emails pinging in my in tray all day long.

At the time it seemed there was no way to shut down an account so I took the next best steps and stopped using the service altogether not even as a curiosity for occasional enquiries or observation. That seemed to work. Apart from the occasional (annual?) email mentioning that I hadn't accessed my account in some time which offered help in restoring my password in case I had forgotten it, I was not bothered by the ubiquitous service again.

Until this week and the unrequited birthday wishes.

Fearing it was a dangerous thing to do, I accessed my account using a newly established password (for indeed I had forgotten my earlier password), found my timeline and the aforementioned wishes and I sent the desired acknowledgement.

Facebook is a more complex looking affair now. I have been conscious during my Facebook dormant era that others use it to keep loved ones informed of their travel and other celebrations and whilst I was never sorry about being inactive I did think occasionally how useful it could be in keeping those I want informed up to date about myself.

Inevitably I have been drawn back into the demon site. The effect has been immediate. Former work colleagues and friends have spotted me there and the friend requests are flowing. Someone I worked with in Beijing more than 35 years ago and with whom I have had not a single contact since and who now lives outside Washington DC spotted me after only two days.

I have tracked down some friends too, although without necessarily asking each of them to befriend me (again). Andrew is one I located on Facebook but as his site appears untouched since 2012 I decided to leave him be.

No doubt I will tire of Facebook yet again but for now, in the approximate dialogue from, I think, 'The Godfather' and with a New York criminal twang, I say that 'I keep trying to get myself out and they keep drawing me back in'.

A fresh nappy (diaper)

I don't blog about politics much. I'm not that passionate about the subject but mostly I can't be bothered. But last night a rather extraordinary thing happened. An almost certain change of Government in the state of Queensland. It is not the fact of the change that is extraordinary but the circumstances.

In 2011 the Liberal National Party won power in Queensland with Campbell Newman as its leader. The margin of victory, 78 of the 89 seats, was simply unprecedented. Generally huge majorities are thought to be bad for democracy. Governments with sizeable majorities tend to take advantage of that power and lose touch with the electorate through decisions of electoral benefit rather than electorate benefit. Generally the bigger the majority the more elections it takes for the electorate to eventually rid themselves of that Government.

With the size of that 2011 win it was assumed without exception it would take more than two elections for the ousted Labor Party - reduced to just 9 seats out of the 89 - to return to power. Well, Mr Newman and his party made themselves so unpopular it seems that their rule lasted just one term of Government. The party has almost certainly lost power to the Labor Party and Mr Newman has definitely lost his seat.

All of which supports the following theory.

I'm so excited....I just can't hide it....

I've qualified! An envelope I will receive in the next few days may contain a winning number! I may become up to $450,000 richer! How good is that?

Here's the proof.

The news personally delivered to me by the Prize Award Administrator

How exciting is that? And guess what I am about to win? Guaranteed!

The Prize Award Administrator (PAA) is fully prepared to arrange an instant bank transfer! To any bank or financial institution of my choice in or near Edgecliff. How convenient is that! However one of the greatest pleasures the PAA has is welcoming their newest winner - that's me! - to Sydney for a 5 star winners weekend! Most of the past winners were delighted with this extra privilege! (What's wrong with those who were not delighted?)

I'll be picked up by private car at my home and whisked away to the nearest airport if necessary. Just as well my nearest airport is Sydney Airport! How lucky is that because the PAA will greet me at Sydney Airport and 'we'd enjoy another leisurely ride' to a top hotel to get settled in! If that ride is leisurely then I must be arriving out of peak hours.

The next day I will be presented with my prize cheque at a gala winners' reception by the Managing Director! Um, wait a second. Hold on. Hang on. Hasn't the PAA already made an instant bank transfer?

Never mind, I'm also offered a personal, chauffeured sightseeing tour of Sydney! I'll be lavished with attention, eat at the finest restaurants of my choice or enjoy a room service feast! Who wouldn't choose a room service feast over the finest restaurants! You'd have to be crazy!

So, to summarise, I'll be picked up by private car at my home in Edgecliff and driven to the nearest airport and then flown to Sydney - just as well that Edgecliff already is in Sydney, makes it so much easier - and then on to the top hotel to enjoy ceremony day.

I'm so excited!

Let's break the law

Do you know it is illegal to rent an apartment for a short vacation in New York City? I'm not sure about the specific conditions but this was information that came to light when I started to search accommodation online for a planned visit in September.

I gather the law is a response to demand from apartment complex owners who view their properties as lowered in value by the flow of transient visitors. I imagine the hotel industry would also be in favour of such laws to protect their high priced accommodation business.

Anyway, despite this law, online accommodation services list literally thousands of apartments in New York City for vacation rentals.

My visit to New York is to link up with friends CZ and CW who will be on their way back to Sydney following a vacation with relatives in Canada. The three of us will splurge on a fortnight of Broadway theatre attendance.

When I told them of my 'discovery' of this ban on vacation rentals both shrugged their shoulders. Oh yes, they know it is illegal but everybody does it, they told me, so of course we will too.

The online search is proving interesting. I will post updates shortly.

'Order, order.....'

....the Speaker shouts, sometimes in vain, as she tries to bring the House of Representatives to order in Federal Parliament.

There was no need for order yesterday morning as the Leader of the House droned on whilst he tabled a series of new Bills relating to the media.

Notice the banks of empty seats behind him? You know, the ones that are usually filled with nodding heads during the cut and thrust of Question Time. Actually for a while there was no one behind him at all when the camera panned for a full view of the empty chamber. There was one, just one, Opposition member seated on their side facing him. I don't know who that member was but he must have drawn the short straw for 'duty member'!

For a while the number of officials present outnumbered our representatives.

Two Clerks, three Public Servants and one attendant outnumber the Speaker, the Leader of the House, one Minister doing his own thing on the front bench, the 'duty' Opposition member and one sole Government back bencher alone amongst a sea of empty seats. Come to think of it why is that one back bencher there? Hasn't he got things to do or constituents to see like all of his colleagues? If I were his constituent I'm not certain whether I'd be happy or angry to see him there slacking off on the back bench.

The newspapers huffing and puffing about the injustices of the proposed media legislation might lead one to believe these bills are a matter of great significance. Yesterday our elected representatives, by their absence, appeared far more sanguine.

A plate by any other number would look the same*.....

(* apologies to William Shakespeare)

A recent post from fellow blogger Andrew about personalised number plates for cars triggered a memory for me from the 1980s.

Personalised number plates had recently been introduced by the State government and having moved back to New South Wales after living in the Australian Capital Territory for five years I decided to apply for plates with my initials when it was time to register my car in the state. They were the only type of personalised plates offered at that time. I applied for VB000 and was told that this number plate was already taken. I decided on VB111 instead which I was told was available. It would take about six weeks for the plate to be produced.

(As an aside, I believed at the time that number plates were produced by prisoners in gaols. Was that true and, if so, is it still the case?)

Weeks later I was told my plates were ready for collection. As I could not take time off work to collect them my father went on my behalf. He rang me from the Motor Registry and asked whether I had ordered motor cycle plates. Why did he ask that I wondered. Well, it was motor cycle size plates that had been produced.

Of course, motor cycle size plates were not appropriate so I had to reorder plates for my car but my father was told they could no longer be VB111 as this number was now taken by the motor cycle plates. This seemed unnecessarily bureaucratic to me but the registry was insistent.

What other number would suit me? By then I didn't care so I left it for the registry to decide. In the end the number plate they produced for me was VB234.

The number 234 had no specific relevance for me but people would often ask me what was the significance of the number. In the end I just made up an answer; 'it is my highest ten pin bowling score' I lied. That seemed to satisfy all enquirers.

I have long since given away using personalised number plates.

Hello there, Sweden!

I just heard on the news that Sweden has won this year's Eurovision song contest. James must be ecstatic.

Checking the results on the website I notice that elder statesman Englebert Humperdinck was no help to Britain's cause as that country finished second last.

As usual, I did not watch a second of it.