Friday, 16 January 2009

Physician: Heal thyself

I went to the doctor this morning to have my ongoing prescriptions renewed having reached the end of my 'repeats'.

I was expecting the visit to be straightforward as I have been feeling fine and am unaware of any new health issues. He checked my weight, blood pressure and body fat - checks he routinely carries out on most of my visits and for good measure (not to mention a higher fee) he also got me to undergo an ECG as it had been a while since I'd been tested. I don't like the ECG test. Those clamp things give me a creepy feeling as though cockroaches are crawling over my body. I'm sure my blood pressure soars when I have the ECG test.

Thankfully all these tests were satisfactory but dear Doctor was in a mood to be difficult and he gave me a hard time about improving my upper body. No doubt he was speaking with an eye to my waistline which I know is a couple of inches above the ideal. He once again banished me from eating everything that I find remotely tasty and this time suggested I take up yoga. Previous 'prescriptions' have included running around Centennial Park, swimming at Boy Charlton Pool and (best of all) daily masturbation to ward off prostate cancer.

I wouldn't mind these exhortations so much if it wasn't that dear Doctor is no svelte figure himself. He is at least twenty years younger than I and possibly as many kilos heavier despite being centimetres shorter. He always appears red faced to me.

But I know he means well so I suppose I should try, yet again, to work on trimming my weight. After the appointment I went across to Centennial Park and walked one circuit as a show, to myself, of good intentions. Unfortunately I did undo the value of that activity by stopping at the cake shop immediately after for an apple slice but, hey, I have to start somewhere.


  1. Baby steps Victor, baby steps!

  2. Lol at stopping off for an apple slice. You have something right though. You have doctor a good bit younger than yourself. As for previous prescriptions, well, I won't get prostate cancer at least.

  3. You got off lightly Victor...One of my friends had a persistent urinary tract infection. Her GP (quite an elderly and conservative looking lady apparently) told her to try tantric sex and then proceeded to describe what she should do..."squeeze and release, squeeze and release"

  4. Mutant - falling over all the time?

    Andrew - you are on the right track.

    Ad Rad - "squeeze and release, squeeze and release"; not that different a prescription when you think about it.

  5. A good place to start is to cut back on your portions. That is what had the biggest impact for me.

  6. you musn't pay any attention to doctors. They are shifty fellows and no fun at parties.

  7. Afod: an even better place for me to start would be self-discipline. I don't have much of it.

    Ur-spo: I'll take your professional advice on that!