Friendship is a two way street. You appreciate the help, support and companionship offered by your friends and you reciprocate for your friends.
I have many acquaintances but only a few close friends. Some of the latter have been friends since our teenage years; that is for more than forty years. Four decades is a long time and you think that you know each other very well after that period.
Still, friends can surprise. Do you really ever know the other person? Friends change too. Why wouldn't they? After all I have changed as I grow older, sometimes wiser, always more experienced.
There are three friends, with whom I form a quartet, who worked together, played sport together and have continued to socialise for more than forty years. A few years back I was surprised to be told that one, Ty, had been hospitalised for depression. Apparently Ty had suffered some serious episode. The surprise was twofold. First, Ty always had seemed such an outgoing, spirited man it had never occurred to me he might be battling demons. Second, and what really stunned us, was that Ty had been hospitalised for depression on a number of occasions over the years and not one of us in the foursome had the slightest inkling that this had happened.
How could this be? How could we not have noticed when Ty was going through difficulties. The sense that we had failed Ty was strong. Thankfully Ty's treatment was successful and his condition is under control. Or is it? Do we really know?
Now, Ae, another friend of over forty years seems to be suffering self esteem problems and unprecedented failures of confidence when for all the previous years of our friendship she was the most confident and outgoing of women. I have some theories as to why this has happened but I am no expert. What to do? I'm not sure.
I may blog further about this.
Quite troubling. You can never know what is happening in people's heads but you would think that when you have know people for such a long time and are close to them, that you would have an inkling.
ReplyDeleteI think these kinds of situations happen all too frequently. A good friend of mine just had a brain tumour removed. I found out from her boss after the operation. I didn't even know she was sick. A few years ago, the same friend had cancer and underwent chemotherapy. I had no idea and was even complimenting her on her weight loss and her new hairdo (her hair grew back curly).
ReplyDeleteI know when I am sick, I just need to concentrate on the illness and get on with getting better. People around me when I am sick are a distraction, they suck too much of the precious energy that I need to get well. I just can't be bothered with people when I am sick. And while I have never been seriously ill, I'm sure I would still feel the same way.
ReplyDeleteFunny, the time that I left this comment was 17.30.
ReplyDeleteI was hospitalised twice last year. Once for an elective surgery, once via emergency. I told no one.
ReplyDeleteI simply can't ask for help, and I don't want to burden my friends.
Though it does hurt them when I don't let them into events like that.
Andrew - that's what I thought.
ReplyDeleteAd Rad - you wonder how you didn't notice there'd been a problem.
Fletcher - I can understand your attitude to illness but I'm still wondering how none of us sensed that our friend had experienced his difficulties. Spooky about the time drift.
Ben - yes, similar situation.
Year before last someone I went to school with (we were friends then but more recently I was a friend of his brother) killed himself. He had concealed his depression from everyone, including his wife. I think that often that is part of the condition.
ReplyDeleteSo it seems, Marcellous
ReplyDelete