Exhibition standard

The vey nice couple from whom I have purchased my next apartment have kindly offered access for my friends to view the establishment ahead of settlement should I wish. All they ask, quite reasonably, is some notice so that the place is at 'exhibition standard'.

I know how they feel. My current apartment would rarely meet the 'exhibition standard' test and then there is the thought of an unannounced viewing interrupting some delicate activity. The latter thought occurred to me in the dark of this morning as I was myself engaged in an enjoyably delicate activity. Perhaps I should terminate that line of thought here.

Returning to 'exhibition standard' I am learning quickly that one element of that standard, for the estate agents, is clutter, or more to the point the lack of it. The two earnest, yet attractive, young men marshalling me through the rough waters of selling property are very keen on the 'uncluttered look'.

Now, I am a gay man but a man nonetheless. That means I have a tendency to leave things where they drop. Literally. By no manner does that mean in the 'stowed' position as air stewards might say. I suppose that constitutes clutter. On the other hand my apartment, even after 22 years of habitation, would be universally described by my friends as minimalist in decoration. After all, I still have four totally bare walls in my bedroom. There are prints and other knick knacks decorating the other rooms but my bedroom remains resolutely for sleeping and...well...delicate activity...not for art appreciation.

I have found it difficult to 'declutter' my apartment to the estate agents' standards. There has been much stowing of material into cupboards, a useless exercise to my mind, given the clear evidence following each viewing that some viewers have inspected the insides of said hiding receptacles.

Without revealing too much, here is a photograph of part of my kitchen prepared by me to 'exhibition standard'. I would call the style, 'desert bare', but in the minds of the estate agents I have left them a rain forrest for clearance.

'Clutter' be gone!

Anyway I do try but the two agents looks of reproach towards me as though they are dealing with a schoolboy possessed of two left feet trying to emulate Fred Astaire are unmistakeable.