Wednesday, 16 December 2009

An unbearable loss


An acquaintance of mine has lost her only child, a son aged 22. He was holidaying in England and in circumstances not fully known to me he walked across a railway line not aware of the electrified third rail system operating there. He was electrocuted.

I feel for the grieving parents but am unable to conjure any words of comfort for them in those circumstances.
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5 comments:

  1. Adaptive Radiation17 December 2009 at 11:03

    I'm sure you'll come up with the right words Victor. You're right though...it's never easy. It took me over an hour to write a card for a colleague whose son committed suicide. I then tore it up and had to go and get another card. Second time round, I spent 5 minutes writing a message that was less concerned with trying to find nice words and more about conveying how terrible I felt for him and his family. Years later, at a conference, he came up to me and told me that my message really struck a chord. I wish I could remember what I actually wrote.

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  2. Anonymous17 December 2009 at 11:11

    How awful. Everyone worries about their children when they are travelling overseas and this is a worst case. There are no right words. I would write in a less formal manner, whereas my partner would be more formal. One phrase you would not want to use is, 'I can only imagine...'

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  3. wcs17 December 2009 at 18:59

    What a horrible circumstance. You'll find the right thing. If they're close, just being around for them will be appreciated, I'm certain.

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  4. Anonymous18 December 2009 at 18:24

    I agree that it is very hard to conjure up words of condolence because every loss is individual but every possible phrase has been used already a million times before. What always gives me difficulty is the "con" part of "condolence." There is just something unavoidably impertinent about it.

    My own guess is that the very first thing you can quickly think of will be the best(so long as any form of the word "shock" is avoided)since it is the gesture rather than the specific form of words which brings comfort to people at this time. It's when you try to think of what to write that you will get all tied up in self-consciousness and a sense of inadequacy to the occasion.

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  5. Mark in DE19 December 2009 at 07:20

    Really, I don't think there are any 'comforting words' at a time like this. The best you can do is just be there for them, supporting them, crying with them if they choose.

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