How not to travel to the movies

This is a long and boring cautionary tale of what happens when a silly man (me) thinks too much and unnecessarily turns an ant hill into a mountain.

When I decided yesterday to go to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall I could have chosen any multiplex in Sydney. It is screening at them all. The logical thing would have been to see the movie at Bondi Junction just ten minutes away from my home.

But I didn't. My first big mistake for the day.

I decided to make a day's outing of it. I decided I would drive 40 kilometres to see the movie in the north-western suburb of Rouse Hill located in the Hills District. Why did I chose to do that?

Well, a new multiplex has opened in Rouse Hill. I have a fascination with cinemas and like to try out new ones at least once. In addition I had read that this multiplex adjoins the new Rouse Hill Town Centre which has the latest environmental features. I thought I would like to see that too. And finally I thought I would use a rare Wednesday off to take a drive, even though it was raining heavily and Sydney's roads are notoriously clogged as soon as rain falls.

Rather stupidly I was not deterred by the fact that I do not know the area at all.

I had read that the Town Centre was located at the corner of Windsor Road and Rouse Hill Drive. Before setting off I consulted my reasonably current street directory and easily located Windsor Road but according to the directory there was no Rouse Hill Drive in all of Sydney. I didn't let that worry me as I knew the Centre had only opened recently and I thought that Rouse Hill Drive might be a new road.

I didn't have the benefit of having checked the Internet where I have since found the following map which does show that road.



So off I went to join the M2 motorway westbound which I knew was the quickest link to that part of Sydney from where I live. In Sydney, motorways are tollways. You have to pay a fee each time you use one. That would not be a problem as I have an E-Tag on my car that beeps as I pass through the tollway and debits my tollway account. Shortly after joining the M2 I passed through the tollway. My E-Tag beeped; that will be $4.40 thank you very much.

And so I drove westwards....on and on, through a tunnel and past various exits.

Eventually the Windsor Road exit sign loomed into view. That was the road I knew I had to turn north into. All logic told me to exit at that point.

But for some reason I started to think. That was my second big mistake.

The sign indicated it was the exit to Parramatta and Baulkham Hills. I knew that Parramatta was a turn to the south but I wasn't sure about Baulkham Hills despite the hint in the name. Hello, (I should have thought to myself) is anyone noticing Hills in the name? Then and there I decided this must be the exit for Windsor Road southbound and that there was probably a further exit for Windsor Road northbound. I am dangerous when I think.

It was the split second as I passed the exit and no longer able to join it that I realised I was wrong.

Now I was stuck on the M2 continuing west. Never mind I thought, I would just take the next exit then turn right and right again and rejoin the M2 eastbound to go back to the previous exit.

That made perfect sense to me. So why was it that when I finally reached the next exit, for Seven Hills, I turned left (not right)? My third big mistake.

Now I was somewhere deep in Seven Hills but I might as well have been in the seven hills of Rome for all I knew. Twenty useless minutes later and I managed to make my way back to the M2 eastbound.

My logic said it was now the easy matter of going back to the preceding exit and taking it. However all logic went out the window when the preceding exit appeared. This time it wasn't called Windsor Road. The exit was named Pennant Hills Road. And it was signalling the exit for Newcastle and Hornsby which at least were north. I was confused and once again ignoring the hint of the Hills name I decided that the M2 eastbound must have had an extra exit not found on the westbound side. Very stupidly I didn't take that exit.

Now I was driving on and on eastward back through the earlier tunnel by which time it dawned on me I was returning to the beginning of the M2; a thought confirmed by the depressing reappearance of the tollway. My E-Tag beeped as I passed through it; that will be a second $4.40 thank you very much.

OK, I thought how much more difficult can this be? I took the next exit and turned right and right again expecting to be returned to the M2 westbound. Now I was on a road parallel to the M2 westbound driving on and on. Surely it must soon rejoin the M2? After a long distance the parallel road dipped and went under the M2 and on to a dead end!



Go home, I thought to myself and see the movie at Bondi Junction. But just as quickly I banished that thought determined to make it to Rouse Hill no matter what. I retraced my steps along the parallel road and eventually found myself travelling on the M2 westbound for the second time that morning.



For the third time, the tollway loomed and my E-Tag beeped as I passed through it; yet another $4.40 thank you very much sir and please call again.

No matter what, I was going to take the Windsor Road exit this time. As I approached the tunnel for the third time in an hour I noticed a camera flash go off that signals someone being photographed for speeding. My fourth big mistake. Unnoticed by me the speed limit had suddenly fallen from 100kph to 70kph at the tunnel's entrance. I was one car amongst quite a few so the fine could have applied to any of the others but given my luck of the morning to that point I was sure that the fine will come to me in the mail in due course.

Eventually the Windsor Road exit reappeared. I took it and after a further 20 minutes or so in driving rain I found myself at Rouse Hill. I'd made it.

The return journey was uneventful but of course cost a fourth lot of $4.40 thanks yet again.

So I could have seen the movie at Bondi Junction for a ten minutes drive and no travel cost.

Instead, I travelled for two hours and fifteen minutes altogether and I spent $17.60 for four trips through the M2 tollway plus $3.96 for the Cross City Tunnel westbound plus $2.62 for the Lane Cove Tunnel eastbound plus $3.00 for the Harbour Tunnel southbound plus (possibly) $79 speeding fine and the loss of 3 demerit points from my driver's license.

What a dope!